dawn

Master, bless.

I used to be a night owl. However, I now find the early morning hours to be the most precious of all. The colors are soft and luminous... Everything is so peaceful, but in a way that is reminiscent of the Resurrection. Each time I look outside the window, I feel like I have entered a church. Nature is recollected, prayerful.

When I think of my endeavors in the morning, I also feel more courageous. Somehow, much seems possible in the light of dawn.

Dawn reminds me of the Lord's sweetness. He is indeed the sweetest of things to me.

Yesterday, as I wandered in a favorite graveyard of mine, my thoughts were focused upon the Blessed Day -the day when I shall be with my Master. I think of all the details involved... The preparation of the body, the coffin, the soil being poured upon it. I think of such things very often. Daily.



There is a touch of fear in the heart, but mostly peace, joy and hope. Thus I serve the Lord with as much devotion as I am capable of... That day is foremost in my mind. It is the foundation of my life, because He is my all. Everything is for Him -this gives me rest. I have already tasted requiem aeternam. How can I not long for the full measure?

blessed struggle

Master, bless.

Heavens... It has been a while since I updated this blog. I tend to spend most of my time on livejournal, but I would like to post scribblings here more regularly...

I had such a nice time with Diane last sunday; we took very beautiful photographs at Beechwood cemetery. It was lovely just to be in her company, especially since almost two years had passed between this photo shoot and the previous one. The creative process was both soothing and gratifying. Gazing at the pictures later on, I could see the spiritual anguish I experienced these past twelve months come through in the photographs.

Indeed, the sequence of images was a recapitulation of my life in many ways. It has been a holy struggle; a struggle with the holy. A blessed struggle. An agony and ecstasy.



Another copy of Bring forth the best robes sold on amazon today. I truly hope that The flawed master will be at least as good (speaking of agony and ecstasy)...

I have been collecting rosaries of the Sacred Heart of Jesus lately. Well, I now have two. They comfort me immensely.

Yet I need to pray more. I so often feel like the young priest in Diary of a Country Priest. I find such strength in his story.

Like him, I feel there is so little time. I used to have time...

I still do; a great deal, even. At the same time, I have none. I stand before an endless road, carrying a bag upon my back.

But I see a small cabin on the horizon.

I am grateful.... My blessings are seemingly without number. I am also harried.

Life is a strange mixture of peacefulness, and intense yearning for peace in the midst of this, that and the other.

God is above all. He is the roof over me, the limitless sky overhead.

recent scribblings

Master, bless.

My latest book, a light burden: my life as an Orthodox Christian is now available. May God grant that it be a comfort to those who will read it...






It should also be available on amazon in a few weeks.

nourishment

Master, bless.

A quiet breakfast can truly be a spiritual experience.

I have started reading The Eastern Schism: A Study of the Papacy and the Eastern Churches during the XIth and XIIth Centuries, and it is utterly riveting; I am captivated. I can hardly wait to sink my teeth into the four volumes of The Church in History. My Jaroslav Pelikan books are on their way, and that will be yet more soul nourishing study material... Another five volumes on Church history. This information is vital to my soul's well-being.

A new year is about to begin... I am looking ahead confidently, and I am living in the present moment peacefully.

holy indifference

Master, bless.




Our minds must become insensible to mundane projects, to gossip, to the feverish search for news.

We must be discreet and humble. Our greatest ambition must be to see the crucified Christ always before us, His life and death, what efforts He demands of us.

Seek nothing beyond this.

~Dom Lorenzo Scupoli

life is God's temple

Master, bless.

The happiness of the person whose will is entirely submitted to God's is constant, unchangeable and endless.
~Father Jean-Baptiste Saint-Jure

The morning is a blessed time of day. The sun is tender, the sky is pale, the birds sing softly, one could say reverently... They are aware that the world is God's sanctuary.

As I gaze at the trees outside my window, I am grateful for the knowledge that all the day's duties are sacred acts of devotion. Like the birds, I am aware that the entirety of my life is spent in the temple and every moment is holy, an offering to the Lord. Even when I wipe the kitchen counter, I am cleaning the altar of God. When I rest, I am reclining beside the still waters.

I once struggled, thinking, Should I be doing this? Should I be doing that instead? Should I be here? Perhaps I should be there? Am I fulfilling the Lord's will? Am I where I am meant to be? Am I doing what I am meant to do?

Now I know that unless I sin, I am doing God's will. To embrace each moment simply, to accept one's circumstances, to obey the promptings and guidance of the Spirit, to accomplish one's appointed tasks, to abstain from worry about tomorrow and sorrow over the past... Such is pleasing to God. Such is detachment, and the source of peace.

There was a time when I viewed my privileges with suspicion, or outright anguish, but now I bow before the Lord's wisdom and desire. I trust that He arranges everything as is best.

Like a bird, I am free from care. More and more, I realize that worrying is a pointless waste of energy and a lack of faith. Why be distressed when it is useless, unnecessary and damaging?

I have found, in fact, that the stronger my longing for the kingdom of God becomes, the more He tailors everything so that it befits me perfectly. All the worrying and planning in the world would not have led me to the serene place where I currently am; I could not have foreseen it. I would not have fathomed God's insight. I would have resisted, balked, argued, suggested alternatives. How unfortunate and futile that would have been.

aromatic fullness

Master, bless.

If a man wants to understand Christ's words fully, and relish the flavour of them, he must be one who is trying to fashion his whole life on Christ's model.
~The Imitation of Christ


"He must be one who is trying to fashion his whole life on Christ's model." The Lord cannot be a mere part of my life, a special "compartment" outside of the center and peripheral to it. I must breathe Christ. I must be obsessed with Christ. I must love Him with a strength that overpowers everything else. All things must relate to Him and reflect Him. His teachings must be the lenses that correct my vision at all times.

I have not achieved this yet because I am too easily distracted and afflicted by trifle concerns. It would not be so if I kept my mind upon what is eternal, as He Himself counseled. But I am not cowed; I shall continue to persist, that His words may nourish me.

The food that Christ gives me is aromatic in a way that no spice on earth could ever be. It is spiritually fragrant and rich, it fills the soul and heart with heavenly delight... It eradicates want.

Yesterday, I saw the inside of a church on a television program... My spirit exulted and fed upon the exquisite food that pertains to divine reality. Heavenly joy! Truly apart from Christ there is no lasting joy. Therefore, He must rule my life. He cannot be a "part-time" occupation, unrelated to some of my interests and activities. Such an idea is unseemly; more than that, it is impossible.

purified affections

Master, bless.

My son, I must be thy chief and last end if thou desirest to be truly happy.

By this intention shall thine affection be purified, which too often is irregularly bent upon thyself and things created.

For if in anything thou seek thy self thou presently faintest away within thyself and growest dry.

Refer, therefore, all things principally to Me, for it is I that have given thee all.
~The Imitation of Christ


During Great Lent, I learned that I am still very attached to many earthly consolations. I am far away from detachment. This is why I unnecessarily endure worry, anxiety and sadness.

It is an amazing thing, that we humans would subject ourselves to illness when the medicine that would cure it is always at hand; that we prefer temporary joys to what is superior. Little wonder that this world is filled with needless misery.

I shall redouble my efforts to live as much as possible like a monastic: it is Archimandrite Spyridon Logothetis's wise counsel.

Lenten retreat

Master, bless.



Blessed is the servant whom He shall find watching.

contentment

Master, bless.

Brethren, let us not pray as the Pharisee: for he who exalts himself shall be humbled.

A Pharisee, overcome with vainglory, and a Publican, bowed down in repentance, came to Thee the only Master. The one boasted and was deprived of blessings, while the other kept silent and was counted worthy of gifts. Confirm me, O Christ our God, in these his cries of sorrow, for Thou lovest mankind.
~from the Lenten Triodion


Silence and humility deliver us from sin.

They are thus a fount of peace. The Lord overshadows us with His wisdom, and no suffering can tear us away from the peace His teachings and presence have fostered in our heart. Many of our sufferings, indeed, disappear.

If I renounce my will, how can disappointment hurt me? How can earthly trials afflict me? I renounce envy, anger, lust, recognition. I take refuge in trust and simplicity. In silence and humility. In Christ.

I am content in Him.